I sometimes get bored with the same old routine. I want something to surprise or impress me. I fall in to the lull of every day life. I do love school and enjoy it very much; but, it's so much time out of my life that it gets tiring as of late. I am tired of feeling like I'm just going through the motions. Since drama hit the school scene, I've felt a sort of numbness concerning the social aspect of school. Tara is the only one I talk to, which is not a bad thing; however, I feel I have developed an unhealthy level of defense when it comes to everyone else.
I just realized today that it has been 8 months since I have had a boyfriend. To you, that may not seem like much...but coming from a girl who had a boyfriend all the time through middle school, high school, and even college..with the largest break between serious relationships being 1 month! This is ground breaking for me. I feel a strong sense of independence and strength in that. I am slightly worried that I have overcompensated because of all the belittling and criticizing that happened in my last relationship. Perhaps it has left me calloused. I worry about that sometimes...that I won't find the imperfection to complete me because I don't want imperfection. I feel like even if I did meet or even the ones I know right now that are perfectly good gentlemen.. I feel like I just force them away. I'm not sure why I do that, but I'm trying to focus on letting God have my heart. It's becoming more apparent to me that I haven't even fully given Him my heart. Maybe that is the answer to my conundrum...
I hope that tomorrow I am inspired.
I hope that my smile is contagious.
I hope that God's love is obvious.
I hope that my heart is obedient.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The Static
Oh my.. It's been way too long since I've written anything. The thing is, there was a lot of what people like to call "drama" going on in my life the past 2 weeks. And, since I was so heavily involved in it (not by my own fault), I just didn't feel like I should make any posts as that particular situation was heavy laden on my thoughts. I didn't want to 1- be negative and 2-be tempted to share too much of the situation. Which is the more "adult" thing to do? Sit back and complain about all the "drama" or deal with it? Idk.. you tell me.
My conclusion of the situation is this: It is obvious that God has a great plan for me involving this career. I see Satan's work first hand every day. I believe that I will be doing great things, even greater than I have imagined. I had to remember Job. He was following God with all his might and Satan came along and took everything from him. God has allowed this situation to happen to grow me, to test my faithfulness, and so that one day he can use me in an even greater way.
Well, other than that.. what's new? hmmm... Well, not a whole lot. Just been doing the same old thing. Oh, I decided on an alias for my debut and what not. (I am supposed to be on the radio hopefully by July) Well, first you have to know that after my last "crisis" (you know you go through stuff and then you overcome it, you make a better situation or challenge out of it. We generally come up with a theme of the situation) Well, what notion I have been stuck on is that, I am Not Another Juliet. I am not here to be rescued. I am not here to pick my poison. I am not here for another dramatic tragedy. Thus, the name Naj was born. N-not A-another J-juliet :)
I haven't run it by my producer yet, but I hope he likes it.
If you are reading, send up a prayer for me. I need every ounce of strength and res I can get. Thank you for being patient and godnight!
My conclusion of the situation is this: It is obvious that God has a great plan for me involving this career. I see Satan's work first hand every day. I believe that I will be doing great things, even greater than I have imagined. I had to remember Job. He was following God with all his might and Satan came along and took everything from him. God has allowed this situation to happen to grow me, to test my faithfulness, and so that one day he can use me in an even greater way.
Well, other than that.. what's new? hmmm... Well, not a whole lot. Just been doing the same old thing. Oh, I decided on an alias for my debut and what not. (I am supposed to be on the radio hopefully by July) Well, first you have to know that after my last "crisis" (you know you go through stuff and then you overcome it, you make a better situation or challenge out of it. We generally come up with a theme of the situation) Well, what notion I have been stuck on is that, I am Not Another Juliet. I am not here to be rescued. I am not here to pick my poison. I am not here for another dramatic tragedy. Thus, the name Naj was born. N-not A-another J-juliet :)
I haven't run it by my producer yet, but I hope he likes it.
If you are reading, send up a prayer for me. I need every ounce of strength and res I can get. Thank you for being patient and godnight!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Hidden Feelings
Salutations friends!
Update on school: We are learning perms this week! :D I have settled in a good group of friends. I think that I am really happy with my friend Tara. (not saying this just bc you asked me to write about you :) She is super sweet and we have a lot in common. I hope to reap a great friendship out of the next 9 months with her.
Update on music: I just recently wrote a song that I am absolutely in love with.
I am going to attach the vid to the blog so you can check it out.
Update on me: Well, I've been experiencing feelings of loneliness where guys are concerned. I have been really trying to focus on leaning on the Lord. I know he is the only one who can really complete me. But He DID create me to nurture and complete someone, so the desire isn't entirely flesh. I believe God wants us to love with that untamed love. I have been getting the feeling that the time is drawing near that I am to be met with someone of interest. I don't really know why I'm getting that feeling, but it's there. I trust it. Ironically, a good friend of mine told me recently that he senses change on my horizon. I hadn't even told him of those feelings. I don't want to get ahead of God though, I want him to be in control and the apple of my eye.
Update on school: We are learning perms this week! :D I have settled in a good group of friends. I think that I am really happy with my friend Tara. (not saying this just bc you asked me to write about you :) She is super sweet and we have a lot in common. I hope to reap a great friendship out of the next 9 months with her.
Update on music: I just recently wrote a song that I am absolutely in love with.
I am going to attach the vid to the blog so you can check it out.
Update on me: Well, I've been experiencing feelings of loneliness where guys are concerned. I have been really trying to focus on leaning on the Lord. I know he is the only one who can really complete me. But He DID create me to nurture and complete someone, so the desire isn't entirely flesh. I believe God wants us to love with that untamed love. I have been getting the feeling that the time is drawing near that I am to be met with someone of interest. I don't really know why I'm getting that feeling, but it's there. I trust it. Ironically, a good friend of mine told me recently that he senses change on my horizon. I hadn't even told him of those feelings. I don't want to get ahead of God though, I want him to be in control and the apple of my eye.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
testing...testing...toast...toast
Haha I wrote that title because it reminds me of testing a microphone. It's like I'm getting ready to deliver a speech. Anyways!
I am up way too late on the eve of my first practical exam. Yet, I feel like it's ok to be up this late because I think that I am going to do really well on the exam. It's a combination of written exams broken up in different sections and also a performance grade. We have to act as if we were actually in front of the State Board taking our exam for our license. It is kinda stressful, but it's ok.
I haven't had much time for any sort of relaxing or really anything at all haha. I get home, study, blog, and then go to bed. I am getting up earlier tomorrow so I can get my stuff together. Plus, a friend that carpools with me has to be there half an hour early. OH! I put extensions in my hair! And dyed it black! It's amazing! I will try to post before and after pics on tomorrow or saturday's post. I am dreadfully tired. I have to work after school tomorrow. So, I will be super, super busy until... 9:30pm.
So.... that means I have a.....15 hour day tomorrow... at the END of a 40 hour week.
UGH!
Seriously, the only way I can get through all of this (not to mention it's that time for me this month...so sorry if that's TMI..but I DID say this journey has no lies!) is to pray. At the end of this week I will surely say "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!"
I am up way too late on the eve of my first practical exam. Yet, I feel like it's ok to be up this late because I think that I am going to do really well on the exam. It's a combination of written exams broken up in different sections and also a performance grade. We have to act as if we were actually in front of the State Board taking our exam for our license. It is kinda stressful, but it's ok.
I haven't had much time for any sort of relaxing or really anything at all haha. I get home, study, blog, and then go to bed. I am getting up earlier tomorrow so I can get my stuff together. Plus, a friend that carpools with me has to be there half an hour early. OH! I put extensions in my hair! And dyed it black! It's amazing! I will try to post before and after pics on tomorrow or saturday's post. I am dreadfully tired. I have to work after school tomorrow. So, I will be super, super busy until... 9:30pm.
So.... that means I have a.....15 hour day tomorrow... at the END of a 40 hour week.
UGH!
Seriously, the only way I can get through all of this (not to mention it's that time for me this month...so sorry if that's TMI..but I DID say this journey has no lies!) is to pray. At the end of this week I will surely say "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!"
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