The truth about my testimony

Any of you grow up in sheltered homes? Once you got out in to the "real world" you looked back and felt that you were owed a life that you never had the opportunity to embrace? Did I think I was the only one who felt this way? no. I know better.

Today my mom and I were talking and we brought up my testimony. It was interesting, because we both remembered me saying in high school that I didn't have a testimony. Well, I sure thought that because I had never "experienced" anything. I thought I had to overcome more before I had a testimony worth telling.

At what cost does one reap this.. testimony?

I paid dearly, almost with my own life.

Now, I won't go in to detail about why that is the case. The point is: It's not worth it. After having gone off the deep end and wandering around in a dark spiritual wilderness, I have one thing that stands out in my mind in particular as a lesson learned. What is interesting, is that I never spoke this realization out loud until today in mid conversation with my mother. I turned and said to her,

"Mom, I wanted to experience things, but what a greater testimony that one walks in faith."

Ain't it the truth?? I am in no way knocking anyone's testimony. I am speaking to the people like me right now. The ones who felt like they were owed a life or owed experience after getting out on their own. I am speaking to the ones who got caught up in the vicious cycle. The ones who knowingly went..there. It's never too late to get back on the right track. You are going to fail. Every day. And it's ok, His grace is sufficient.

So, the truth about my testimony.. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth disappointing my parents. It wasn't worth making my family sick with worry. It wasn't worth walking out of God's sight. It wasn't worth the potential of losing my own life. It wasn't worth the permanent damage, to my mind, my body, my spirit, my emotions. Had I stayed in God's light.. where I knew I was supposed to be. Where I was guided. Where I felt life. I wouldn't have the scars that remain on me today.